Major victory: for the first time in, a long time, I washed my face before bed. AND I exfoliated. And I put on night cream.
But you know what, I still woke up coughing and creating too much mucous. And pink Kleenex litter the floor of my apartment.
Ugh.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Lifestyle tips from Sarah Louise...tip #28
Not allowing yourself to grieve: not a good idea.
Telling yourself you are stupid to be so thin skinned that a single email can start the tears again: give yourself some grace.
But I do need to get out of this "me, me, me." Oh help.
Telling yourself you are stupid to be so thin skinned that a single email can start the tears again: give yourself some grace.
But I do need to get out of this "me, me, me." Oh help.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Lifestyle tips from Sarah Louise...tip #36
After a big change, working every single day for six days and then not having a morning committment on the sixth, NOT the best idea. It may result in wicked insomnia and not having breakfast and meds until almost noon. Aaaaaack.
Watching the political shows on TV not the best idea either. (But I did see a minute of John Cusack at the end of George Stephenopoulous' show.)
Have just put Jerry Maguire in the VCR. Writing this while the previews play.
Did you know Mayor is one of those titles that stays with you after you aren't the active guy/gal? (As in Mayor Rudy Giuiliani.)
Watching the political shows on TV not the best idea either. (But I did see a minute of John Cusack at the end of George Stephenopoulous' show.)
Have just put Jerry Maguire in the VCR. Writing this while the previews play.
Did you know Mayor is one of those titles that stays with you after you aren't the active guy/gal? (As in Mayor Rudy Giuiliani.)
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Internet, friend of Introverts everywhere
I'm tired. I'm cough-y. I'm grumpy. But blogging affords me a way to connect with my friends, create a little sumpin'.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
They're called Angel Babies. Babies that don't make it to their first birthday. And I've been talking with my parents this week as I puzzle out the fact that I have no memory of the memorial services for my sister Joy, who was born when I was 5, and my brother, Peter, who was born when I was 7. Both were premies who died within weeks of their births.
It's called disassociation, when an adult has no memory of a childhood memory that was painful.
Apparently when I was told that Peter had died, I said, "Rats!" Apparently at Joy's memorial service, which was attended by my Granny, my Aunt Margaret, and my maternal grandparents (Grandma and Grandpa), I was glad to see all the people that loved me. And Aunt Pat (my mom's sister) was with me the night that Joy died, and Aunt Margaret (my mom's aunt) stayed with us that Christmas. Uncle Mark (my dad's cousin, a minister in the Reformed Church) performed the memorial service. Boy it was cold, my mom said. I drew my dad a flower during the memorial service for Peter. My dad might still have it somewhere.
Today a man came into the library. I don't know if he was the father or uncle, but he came to me on behalf of two teenagers, one thirteen, one eighteen, who were at home, couldn't go to school because of the death of their fifteen year old sibling. While I found books in the young adult department, he went back upstairs for a book I'd found on mourning a sibling death. It was one of the books he left behind, and reading the text, wooden and clinical, I could see why.
But since this week I have been trying to unpuzzle my lost memories, my lost sister and brother, I took a look. I found the website of an organization, Compassionate Friends, and their Pittsburgh chapter. I sent an informational email, since the most recent information on the Pittsburgh chapter website was about their August meeting.
I watched "Back to you," my new Wednesday night TV show, and got caught into "Til Death," when the phone rang. The caller ID was my parent's house. My parents NEVER call me, well, rarely. It was my mother, wanting to talk to me in case I wanted to talk more--I talked with my dad at least a half hour on Monday, taking three pages of notes. My mom told me that they got to hold Joy as she died--which had never been done before. It was clear she was dying, so the doctors unhooked her from her hookups, and my parents got to hold her as she died. My mother said it was beautiful, and that they thought that was the best hospital, for doing that.
I told my mom I felt silly, for something that happened so long ago. But my mom said, it's not silly. And she said, there's this organization, Compassionate Friends, for grieving parents, I wonder if they deal with siblings. You're a librarian, I bet you can figure it out.
So I have my parent's permission to pursue this grief. My body hurts, my head hurts, and I feel dull.
My mom said, everyone was so sad for Joy and Peter, and everyone was so happy when Sis came along. My words, when I saw her, asleep in a dresser drawer, "She's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen, can we keep her?" My dad heard those words, as he walked in, from work. Until that moment I had not liked babies, and now it occurs to me there might be a reason why.
Bro is in town (at my parents) for a wedding this weekend. How blessed I am to have two healthy siblings that I love to pieces. How blessed I am to have parents that love me to pieces. How blessed I am that I have two Angel Baby siblings. As I sit here, my hip is throbbing, from sitting in a funny position while on the phone with my mom, and my eyes are trying to decide if they want to tear up or not.
It's called disassociation, when an adult has no memory of a childhood memory that was painful.
Apparently when I was told that Peter had died, I said, "Rats!" Apparently at Joy's memorial service, which was attended by my Granny, my Aunt Margaret, and my maternal grandparents (Grandma and Grandpa), I was glad to see all the people that loved me. And Aunt Pat (my mom's sister) was with me the night that Joy died, and Aunt Margaret (my mom's aunt) stayed with us that Christmas. Uncle Mark (my dad's cousin, a minister in the Reformed Church) performed the memorial service. Boy it was cold, my mom said. I drew my dad a flower during the memorial service for Peter. My dad might still have it somewhere.
Today a man came into the library. I don't know if he was the father or uncle, but he came to me on behalf of two teenagers, one thirteen, one eighteen, who were at home, couldn't go to school because of the death of their fifteen year old sibling. While I found books in the young adult department, he went back upstairs for a book I'd found on mourning a sibling death. It was one of the books he left behind, and reading the text, wooden and clinical, I could see why.
But since this week I have been trying to unpuzzle my lost memories, my lost sister and brother, I took a look. I found the website of an organization, Compassionate Friends, and their Pittsburgh chapter. I sent an informational email, since the most recent information on the Pittsburgh chapter website was about their August meeting.
I watched "Back to you," my new Wednesday night TV show, and got caught into "Til Death," when the phone rang. The caller ID was my parent's house. My parents NEVER call me, well, rarely. It was my mother, wanting to talk to me in case I wanted to talk more--I talked with my dad at least a half hour on Monday, taking three pages of notes. My mom told me that they got to hold Joy as she died--which had never been done before. It was clear she was dying, so the doctors unhooked her from her hookups, and my parents got to hold her as she died. My mother said it was beautiful, and that they thought that was the best hospital, for doing that.
I told my mom I felt silly, for something that happened so long ago. But my mom said, it's not silly. And she said, there's this organization, Compassionate Friends, for grieving parents, I wonder if they deal with siblings. You're a librarian, I bet you can figure it out.
So I have my parent's permission to pursue this grief. My body hurts, my head hurts, and I feel dull.
My mom said, everyone was so sad for Joy and Peter, and everyone was so happy when Sis came along. My words, when I saw her, asleep in a dresser drawer, "She's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen, can we keep her?" My dad heard those words, as he walked in, from work. Until that moment I had not liked babies, and now it occurs to me there might be a reason why.
Bro is in town (at my parents) for a wedding this weekend. How blessed I am to have two healthy siblings that I love to pieces. How blessed I am to have parents that love me to pieces. How blessed I am that I have two Angel Baby siblings. As I sit here, my hip is throbbing, from sitting in a funny position while on the phone with my mom, and my eyes are trying to decide if they want to tear up or not.
waiting for October to go...
Depressives know that the "banner" (if you could call them that) months are October and February. October b/c the light is changing, it's sandwiched between back to school (September) and let's prepare for Thanksgiving then Christmas (November/December). February has Valentine's Day and the knowledge that winter is still not over. Nuff said.
I'm doing pretty well for an October as things go, and have had my best summer in five years. That said, if I do not have work in front of me that I can do, I get morose and obsessive about email, blogging and do not want to do anything.
I think I'll go shelve some videos and DVDs. (Not at all in my job description, but it will get me off my duff and requires little thought. Right now I have little thought.)
This too shall pass. Update on the weather: it's cold out there. Well, cooler, at least.
Time to pull out handy Gerard Manley Hopkin's poem--see my other blog--the one about Spring and Fall and Margaret grieving...
I'm doing pretty well for an October as things go, and have had my best summer in five years. That said, if I do not have work in front of me that I can do, I get morose and obsessive about email, blogging and do not want to do anything.
I think I'll go shelve some videos and DVDs. (Not at all in my job description, but it will get me off my duff and requires little thought. Right now I have little thought.)
This too shall pass. Update on the weather: it's cold out there. Well, cooler, at least.
Time to pull out handy Gerard Manley Hopkin's poem--see my other blog--the one about Spring and Fall and Margaret grieving...
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
When you re-read a classic you do not see in the book more than you did before. You see more in you than there was before. --Clifton Fadiman
Back from the vackay, more to come.
But this quote made me think about what I've been doing a lot: re-reading. Today I found two whole chapters I swear were not there the first time I read About a boy. And I swear I do not remember Cannie being so funny in Good in bed. Or that the column was called that BEFORE Bruce started writing about C. And there were pieces I forget from Blue Like Jazz. And while I prefer Deborah Tannen when it comes to the war of the sexes, Mars and Venus on a date is very helpful. Although is it rereading if you haven't finished the book? I keep rereading the first five chapters.
But this quote made me think about what I've been doing a lot: re-reading. Today I found two whole chapters I swear were not there the first time I read About a boy. And I swear I do not remember Cannie being so funny in Good in bed. Or that the column was called that BEFORE Bruce started writing about C. And there were pieces I forget from Blue Like Jazz. And while I prefer Deborah Tannen when it comes to the war of the sexes, Mars and Venus on a date is very helpful. Although is it rereading if you haven't finished the book? I keep rereading the first five chapters.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Waiting...
Week 4 (from Four Weeks Mag, where else?)
Day 23 to the end of your cycle
Today's hormone-cast: You may lose your temper today and say what you really feel as plunging estrogen brings down the level of your feel-good brain chemical serotonin. Some good news? Speaking your mind, especially during arguments with your mate, is healthy! That's the latest word from researchers from Eaker Epidemiology Enterprises in Gaithersburg, Maryland, who found that women who keep silent during marital arguments are four times more likely to die prematurely as well as suffer depression and irritable bowel syndrome.
FYI, I did not lose my temper. But I almost flipped the bird at some water skiier who came too close to the dock where we were swimming and couldn't stop staring. Without my glasses I couldn't tell what her expression was. My sister said the woman must have thought we were Canadian and she was impressed by our cold water prowess.
I had to explain what "flip the bird" was to my mother.
Day 23 to the end of your cycle
Today's hormone-cast: You may lose your temper today and say what you really feel as plunging estrogen brings down the level of your feel-good brain chemical serotonin. Some good news? Speaking your mind, especially during arguments with your mate, is healthy! That's the latest word from researchers from Eaker Epidemiology Enterprises in Gaithersburg, Maryland, who found that women who keep silent during marital arguments are four times more likely to die prematurely as well as suffer depression and irritable bowel syndrome.
FYI, I did not lose my temper. But I almost flipped the bird at some water skiier who came too close to the dock where we were swimming and couldn't stop staring. Without my glasses I couldn't tell what her expression was. My sister said the woman must have thought we were Canadian and she was impressed by our cold water prowess.
I had to explain what "flip the bird" was to my mother.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Thinking about money....
So I'm not linking because I'm not quoting, but today's hormone horoscope was revealing.
I woke up worrying about my electric bill which is twice the usual size (did I miss a month, or am I using more A/C this summer than last?) and my phone bill, which I need to call Verizon and get on a different calling plan. Also, an insurance company owes me $200 from forever ago and I can't get them to pay up.
So, apparently dropping estrogen makes me think about stuff like that. Huh. I'm officially in Week 3, which for some women starts a pre-PMS.
This is the last month I have to chart for the study I'm in. So I'm going to start working on a chart that works for me.
Today is NOT a day off--I have the chiro at 8:45, therapist at 11, and then work. I'm tearing down the Story Store (bookstore for the Storytelling Festival.) And then tonight I'm helping out with Vacation Bible School at the OD. So I better find something fun, or I'll burst.
First we go drop off the kids. Then we take a walk.
I woke up worrying about my electric bill which is twice the usual size (did I miss a month, or am I using more A/C this summer than last?) and my phone bill, which I need to call Verizon and get on a different calling plan. Also, an insurance company owes me $200 from forever ago and I can't get them to pay up.
So, apparently dropping estrogen makes me think about stuff like that. Huh. I'm officially in Week 3, which for some women starts a pre-PMS.
This is the last month I have to chart for the study I'm in. So I'm going to start working on a chart that works for me.
Today is NOT a day off--I have the chiro at 8:45, therapist at 11, and then work. I'm tearing down the Story Store (bookstore for the Storytelling Festival.) And then tonight I'm helping out with Vacation Bible School at the OD. So I better find something fun, or I'll burst.
First we go drop off the kids. Then we take a walk.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Gab gab gab...talk talk talk
Week 2 (Hormonology, courtesy of Four Weeks Mag)
Day 8 to Day 13
Today's hormone-cast: You're super-talkative today thanks to high chat-loving estrogen and testosterone. And what a perfect day for gabbing away! These high hormones are improving your memory, so you're recalling lots of five syllable words you thought you'd never use again. Plus, you're more eloquent this week than any other week of your cycle, making your verbal stumbles few and far between!
Um, that's why Monday was so wonderful, chatting up the Lazy River with Kristi.
Day 8 to Day 13
Today's hormone-cast: You're super-talkative today thanks to high chat-loving estrogen and testosterone. And what a perfect day for gabbing away! These high hormones are improving your memory, so you're recalling lots of five syllable words you thought you'd never use again. Plus, you're more eloquent this week than any other week of your cycle, making your verbal stumbles few and far between!
Um, that's why Monday was so wonderful, chatting up the Lazy River with Kristi.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Fascinating stuff that I feel compelled to share...
From "tricky foods" (from Four Weeks Magazine, where else?)
"Smaller containers of orange juice give you more vitamin C! That's because ready-to-drink OJ rapidly loses its vitamin C as soon as it’s opened, according to an American Dietetic Association study."
Well, I don't like orange juice--I prefer oranges themselves and have gotten out of the habit of eating them. But I figure most folks have OJ for breakfast and that this would be an interesting bit of info.
Another tidbit: in the 2nd week (8-13 days) a woman's sense of smell is heightened for three things: "roses, male sweat and male urine. You can thank today's high estrogen for your nasal ability. In early cave days, during this fertile high-estrogen phase of your cycle your nose was important for sniffing out a man's health through his excretions. And the roses? Obviously, even cave girls couldn't resist a pretty long-stemmed bouquet..." (also FWM)
Roses--wow, it's been a long time since I've had a real one (I sometimes buy the miniature roses at Whole Foods.)
I had bizarr-o dreams last night probably due to the fact that I forgot my bedtime meds.
Over and out...
"Smaller containers of orange juice give you more vitamin C! That's because ready-to-drink OJ rapidly loses its vitamin C as soon as it’s opened, according to an American Dietetic Association study."
Well, I don't like orange juice--I prefer oranges themselves and have gotten out of the habit of eating them. But I figure most folks have OJ for breakfast and that this would be an interesting bit of info.
Another tidbit: in the 2nd week (8-13 days) a woman's sense of smell is heightened for three things: "roses, male sweat and male urine. You can thank today's high estrogen for your nasal ability. In early cave days, during this fertile high-estrogen phase of your cycle your nose was important for sniffing out a man's health through his excretions. And the roses? Obviously, even cave girls couldn't resist a pretty long-stemmed bouquet..." (also FWM)
Roses--wow, it's been a long time since I've had a real one (I sometimes buy the miniature roses at Whole Foods.)
I had bizarr-o dreams last night probably due to the fact that I forgot my bedtime meds.
Over and out...
Saturday, July 28, 2007
In the red...
Finally! I'm hoping the pedicure/massage chair experience will help cramps go bye bye. Last month I didn't get what I consider "Day Two" until Day Four...but just for insurance, I'm wearing one of those adhesive heating pads and I took two tylenols when I started work. My brain is very very tired. 25 minutes til I get to go to Targét! Yes, I need fancy things like toilet paper and dental floss...
Oh, and right when I need them, the folks at Four Weeks Mag are on vackay until Aug 6!!
Oh, and right when I need them, the folks at Four Weeks Mag are on vackay until Aug 6!!
Friday, July 20, 2007
Um, this doesn't really work until Sunday...
Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and deny it. Like when you have a day like today: Hot Dog Day from 11-1, Harry Potter party from 2-3 (thankfully I'm not running it, I just did some running for Laura, the YA librarian) and then at 9, the Harry Potter Ball at Borders. At 5, I'll go over to NH Sally's and hang out. And by hang out, I mean eat dinner and take a nap.
Week 3 (from Four Weeks Magazine)
Day 14 (or ovulation) to Day 22
Today's hormone-cast: Break out that biography you've been meaning to read, the indie film you've wanted to watch or your knitting needles. Sedating progesterone has you enjoying these and other mellow, solitary activities this weekend.
Week 3 (from Four Weeks Magazine)
Day 14 (or ovulation) to Day 22
Today's hormone-cast: Break out that biography you've been meaning to read, the indie film you've wanted to watch or your knitting needles. Sedating progesterone has you enjoying these and other mellow, solitary activities this weekend.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Sleepy blogger takes a nap...
Today's Hormone-Cast:
Week 3: Day 14 (or ovulation) to Day 22
Today's hormone-cast: Go ahead and take a nap—you know you want to. That's rising progesterone's fault. It's a sedating hormone that's slowing you down, wearing you out and making it hard to stay awake through Leno. Some good nap news? Siestas can help you live longer! Really! Harvard researchers recently found that people who take nap for at least 30 minutes three times a week slash their risk of dying from a heart attack by an impressive 37%!
Week 3: Day 14 (or ovulation) to Day 22
Today's hormone-cast: Go ahead and take a nap—you know you want to. That's rising progesterone's fault. It's a sedating hormone that's slowing you down, wearing you out and making it hard to stay awake through Leno. Some good nap news? Siestas can help you live longer! Really! Harvard researchers recently found that people who take nap for at least 30 minutes three times a week slash their risk of dying from a heart attack by an impressive 37%!
Friday, July 6, 2007
This hormone thing is trickier than I thought...
Day 8 to Day 13
Today's hormone-cast: You may get frustrated with someone who hasn’t gotten back to you yet. You can't help being a tad impatient. High estrogen and testosterone are making you want a response instantly!
This was me the past coupla days. Now I'm copasetic. (Well, b/c I got a semi-response.)
As you were...
Today's hormone-cast: You may get frustrated with someone who hasn’t gotten back to you yet. You can't help being a tad impatient. High estrogen and testosterone are making you want a response instantly!
This was me the past coupla days. Now I'm copasetic. (Well, b/c I got a semi-response.)
As you were...
Thursday, June 21, 2007
The paradox called me...
So today I had a "life assessment." Basically, I got to sit in the only air conditioned office at the clinic and answer questions like, "how has your sleep been?" and "have you taken any street drugs?"
So here's the paradox. My life has improved considerably in the past month:
And to her, I was just a number. She didn't want to know that this is the most stressful time of the year for Children's Librarians. Or that a cute guy paid for my grilled cheese sandwich on Sunday. Or that I'm off to Montana in a few days.
And I get to go back and see her (or someone like her) again in three months! Yippee! Does that mean the study is continuing?
Off to wash hair, do dishes (they smell RANK) and possibly throw a load of wash before I go to work.
I got miniature roses at Whole Foods. They are (of course) pink. They are staring at me on the desk opposite my computer. I love them. If my camera was communicating with my computer, I might take a picture. I'll get back to you on that one...
So here's the paradox. My life has improved considerably in the past month:
- Two out of three lost friends have been regained
- I'm sort of seeing a normal very nice guy
- I'm going on vacation in less than four days
- etc.
And to her, I was just a number. She didn't want to know that this is the most stressful time of the year for Children's Librarians. Or that a cute guy paid for my grilled cheese sandwich on Sunday. Or that I'm off to Montana in a few days.
And I get to go back and see her (or someone like her) again in three months! Yippee! Does that mean the study is continuing?
Off to wash hair, do dishes (they smell RANK) and possibly throw a load of wash before I go to work.
I got miniature roses at Whole Foods. They are (of course) pink. They are staring at me on the desk opposite my computer. I love them. If my camera was communicating with my computer, I might take a picture. I'll get back to you on that one...
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Third week--pre-PMS
WEEK 3: Cautious & Caring (from FourWeeks Mag.)
This week lasts from Day 14 (or ovulation) to Day 22 of your monthly cycle. Your estrogen and testosterone start off by dropping, but by Day 18, they rise again. Progesterone, a sedating hormone that also boosts the urge to nurture, rises steadily throughout the week. This week's hormonal combination is increasing your desire to be safe, improve your health, cook (or order in), eat comfort foods, shop for items that make your home more comfortable, budget, stick to what's traditional and do quiet-low key activities either alone or with a special friend.
***************
Um yeah. I'm all worried about packing but also about my diet (not losing weight, but what to eat so that the PMS and UMS* symptoms are less, as I'll be in PMS during the Montana trip and UMS during July 4th week, when my parents come to Pgh.)
So now is the time to re-evaluate my supplements, etc.
And I'd so much rather be at home curled up with a book or a movie, eating bon bons than be at work...
*UMS stands for Ugly Mood Swings and is my personal euphemism for The Red Tent.
This week lasts from Day 14 (or ovulation) to Day 22 of your monthly cycle. Your estrogen and testosterone start off by dropping, but by Day 18, they rise again. Progesterone, a sedating hormone that also boosts the urge to nurture, rises steadily throughout the week. This week's hormonal combination is increasing your desire to be safe, improve your health, cook (or order in), eat comfort foods, shop for items that make your home more comfortable, budget, stick to what's traditional and do quiet-low key activities either alone or with a special friend.
***************
Um yeah. I'm all worried about packing but also about my diet (not losing weight, but what to eat so that the PMS and UMS* symptoms are less, as I'll be in PMS during the Montana trip and UMS during July 4th week, when my parents come to Pgh.)
So now is the time to re-evaluate my supplements, etc.
And I'd so much rather be at home curled up with a book or a movie, eating bon bons than be at work...
*UMS stands for Ugly Mood Swings and is my personal euphemism for The Red Tent.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
No, no no!
Okay, I realize yesterday I was in a futz (is that a word) but I'm no longer and oof!
I am HAPPY that I am 35. I love being 35. I'm just at a relationship cul de sac.
So...in keeping with yesterday's theme--if I'm the one you hate because I don't get fat and I don't care, I'm also the one you hate because I look 28 at 35. And I wouldn't want to be younger--I learn things the hard way (is there any other way?) and so I would much rather push forward than step back.
But thanks for sharing.
Officially in the Red Tent now.
I am HAPPY that I am 35. I love being 35. I'm just at a relationship cul de sac.
So...in keeping with yesterday's theme--if I'm the one you hate because I don't get fat and I don't care, I'm also the one you hate because I look 28 at 35. And I wouldn't want to be younger--I learn things the hard way (is there any other way?) and so I would much rather push forward than step back.
But thanks for sharing.
Officially in the Red Tent now.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Unattractive thirty five year old woman rants...
You may be looking for a way to boost your attractiveness today as plunging estrogen and testosterone decrease the confidence you have in your appearance. For an easy—and surprising—way to boost your beauty, wear a grapefruit-scented perfume or moisturizer. It'll instantly make others perceive you as 10 years younger than you are, according to a study from the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. (Hormonology, from Four Weeks Magazine)
I'm one of those women you love to hate. I don't seem to gain weight and I don't really care. I don't agonize over fat legs or fleshy arms (although, yes, now that I checked, the arms do have a wiggle...)
So when I feel unattractive, it's more like, I can't find A THING to wear. Which at the moment isn't the issue because most of my clothes are dirty, I'm lucky to find a clean t-shirt, AND THAT'S WHAT I WEAR. (Sorry for shouting...)
When I feel unattractive, I doubt my abilities: as a friend, as a librarian, as...
I do need a haircut. Josie, one of the other kids' librarians, now goes to the beauty school, where haircuts are really cheap, but part of my haircut is catching up with my stylist. She's NOT cheap. But she knows what I'm trying to do with my hair--if I went to someone new, I'd have to explain...
I remember in a short story about a teacher who was getting married. One of her students asked her what it would be like, and twenty (or more) years later, this is what echoes: I'll never spend five dollars on lipstick again.
NH Sally and I have a running argument. If it was funny, it would be a running gag. But it's her twist on "here's why you don't want to get married/have a boyfriend/get close." Which I don't buy. She has a house, three lovely kids, a wonderful husband. A two car garage. While I understand that that might feel too much a lot of the time, would she REALLY trade it for what I have? She's not an unhappy woman, (I've met them), she just thinks she is. (Don't I have it all figured out for her? It's so neat as opposed to messy to look at someone else's life and do an inventory...)
I want the whole package. And I understand that when you have the whole package: the relationships, the things that tie you down, you also have times when you want to kill the other person or persons. But that subsides. And I would rather, any day of any week have relationships where I feel comfortable to express my irritation (most recently, the parents) than not ever get close enough to get the rest: the hugs, the history...the whole package. So when I want to scream because my mother is saying that thing she always says (hmm, or that NH Sally is playing the same tune) I remind myself that I love the relationship, even if the person in it right now is driving me UP A WALL.
Easy to say from the comfort of my garret. But I'm sorry, being 35 1/2 (my half birthday was two days ago) and being single and going to YOUNGER women's weddings and showers is really bumming me out. (well, only one shower, but I have the possibility of two soon: one baby and one wedding.) And while I realize the point of a wedding shower is to invite folks that might not be invited to the wedding, that is just CRUEL. Send me an invite to the ceremony. I'll buy you a gift for that. I don't need a place setting at the reception, I'll just watch you say your vows. That costs you nothing but postage and however much an invitation goes for these days. I am tired of e-vites. MAIL. A real envelope.
I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND AN AFTERNOON/EVENING AMONG WOMEN AT A SHOWER. And take time off work--there is noone I know right now that isn't married that is worth that. Showers are designed for married women. Lucky for me that most showers are Saturday afternoons. Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't take off work. Which is the truth wrapped in a half-lie. I have the most flexible schedule of anyone l know. It's true, I CAN'T go to a certain event this weekend b/c I would have had to have traded hours with someone, but let's look at my track record: I took this past Saturday afternoon off so that I could go to a WEDDING. Not a party about a wedding, and I didn't even go to the reception because it was more important to see my parents than to eat food with friends. I don't know if there was dancing. I can feel my mood escalating...
See? I haven't even looked in the mirror yet this morning, and I feel plenty unattractive in my state of life. I'm going for a walk.
I'm one of those women you love to hate. I don't seem to gain weight and I don't really care. I don't agonize over fat legs or fleshy arms (although, yes, now that I checked, the arms do have a wiggle...)
So when I feel unattractive, it's more like, I can't find A THING to wear. Which at the moment isn't the issue because most of my clothes are dirty, I'm lucky to find a clean t-shirt, AND THAT'S WHAT I WEAR. (Sorry for shouting...)
When I feel unattractive, I doubt my abilities: as a friend, as a librarian, as...
I do need a haircut. Josie, one of the other kids' librarians, now goes to the beauty school, where haircuts are really cheap, but part of my haircut is catching up with my stylist. She's NOT cheap. But she knows what I'm trying to do with my hair--if I went to someone new, I'd have to explain...
I remember in a short story about a teacher who was getting married. One of her students asked her what it would be like, and twenty (or more) years later, this is what echoes: I'll never spend five dollars on lipstick again.
NH Sally and I have a running argument. If it was funny, it would be a running gag. But it's her twist on "here's why you don't want to get married/have a boyfriend/get close." Which I don't buy. She has a house, three lovely kids, a wonderful husband. A two car garage. While I understand that that might feel too much a lot of the time, would she REALLY trade it for what I have? She's not an unhappy woman, (I've met them), she just thinks she is. (Don't I have it all figured out for her? It's so neat as opposed to messy to look at someone else's life and do an inventory...)
I want the whole package. And I understand that when you have the whole package: the relationships, the things that tie you down, you also have times when you want to kill the other person or persons. But that subsides. And I would rather, any day of any week have relationships where I feel comfortable to express my irritation (most recently, the parents) than not ever get close enough to get the rest: the hugs, the history...the whole package. So when I want to scream because my mother is saying that thing she always says (hmm, or that NH Sally is playing the same tune) I remind myself that I love the relationship, even if the person in it right now is driving me UP A WALL.
Easy to say from the comfort of my garret. But I'm sorry, being 35 1/2 (my half birthday was two days ago) and being single and going to YOUNGER women's weddings and showers is really bumming me out. (well, only one shower, but I have the possibility of two soon: one baby and one wedding.) And while I realize the point of a wedding shower is to invite folks that might not be invited to the wedding, that is just CRUEL. Send me an invite to the ceremony. I'll buy you a gift for that. I don't need a place setting at the reception, I'll just watch you say your vows. That costs you nothing but postage and however much an invitation goes for these days. I am tired of e-vites. MAIL. A real envelope.
I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND AN AFTERNOON/EVENING AMONG WOMEN AT A SHOWER. And take time off work--there is noone I know right now that isn't married that is worth that. Showers are designed for married women. Lucky for me that most showers are Saturday afternoons. Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't take off work. Which is the truth wrapped in a half-lie. I have the most flexible schedule of anyone l know. It's true, I CAN'T go to a certain event this weekend b/c I would have had to have traded hours with someone, but let's look at my track record: I took this past Saturday afternoon off so that I could go to a WEDDING. Not a party about a wedding, and I didn't even go to the reception because it was more important to see my parents than to eat food with friends. I don't know if there was dancing. I can feel my mood escalating...
See? I haven't even looked in the mirror yet this morning, and I feel plenty unattractive in my state of life. I'm going for a walk.
Monday, May 21, 2007
This explains EVERYTHING!
(Well, not EVERYTHING, but it does explain some things...)
Today's hormone-cast: If friends and loved ones wish you were happier during your premenstrual days, there's good news: they can help perk up your mood! How? By doing things that increase the mood-lifting brain chemicals serotonin and endorphins, such as giving you a neck massage, bringing you a bouquet of your favorite flowers or surprising you with a sweet treat. So how can they all know it's time for your pampering? With PMSBuddy.com, a new free online service that makes it easy for anyone to keep track of your cycle! It even emails PMS reminders. Now they have no excuses!
Yeah, um, that's okay. I don't think I need the world to know when I'm getting PMS or UMS (Ugly Mood Swings). I remember one boyfriend who knew my cycle better than me and always cooked me lasagna (as I had shared that I often had cravings for Italian food.) When he told me what he was up to, I was pretty wierded out. I mean, I guess that's more like a husband level thing, not "we've been dating less than one year."
Today's hormone-cast: If friends and loved ones wish you were happier during your premenstrual days, there's good news: they can help perk up your mood! How? By doing things that increase the mood-lifting brain chemicals serotonin and endorphins, such as giving you a neck massage, bringing you a bouquet of your favorite flowers or surprising you with a sweet treat. So how can they all know it's time for your pampering? With PMSBuddy.com, a new free online service that makes it easy for anyone to keep track of your cycle! It even emails PMS reminders. Now they have no excuses!
Yeah, um, that's okay. I don't think I need the world to know when I'm getting PMS or UMS (Ugly Mood Swings). I remember one boyfriend who knew my cycle better than me and always cooked me lasagna (as I had shared that I often had cravings for Italian food.) When he told me what he was up to, I was pretty wierded out. I mean, I guess that's more like a husband level thing, not "we've been dating less than one year."
What part of "Gets Better" don't you understand?
I'm on what? My sixth cold of the year? Someone shoot me now...
Yes, I'm calling my doctor today.
And buying more Zicam.
Yes, I'm calling my doctor today.
And buying more Zicam.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Hormone-cast: check out my new link on the left!
So yesterday I discovered a new website that speaks to the EXACT place I am right now: The Red Tent. The website is hormonology, and it sponsors an online magazine called Four Weeks.
So, based on whatever week you're in, you get a "hormone-cast" which I feel better about that thinking of it as a horoscope.
This is mine for today: Give in to your rising estrogen urges to be silly today—for instance, dance in the kitchen, sing your favorite song at the top of your lungs or prepare a romantic picnic in your living room!
That must be why I am finding every commercial hysterical. Oh, and Matt is in Dubai. (I was so wrong, I thought Beijing from the clue.) The website still has him in Bhutan, but tune in later.
Just so this time I get a t-shirt...
So, based on whatever week you're in, you get a "hormone-cast" which I feel better about that thinking of it as a horoscope.
This is mine for today: Give in to your rising estrogen urges to be silly today—for instance, dance in the kitchen, sing your favorite song at the top of your lungs or prepare a romantic picnic in your living room!
That must be why I am finding every commercial hysterical. Oh, and Matt is in Dubai. (I was so wrong, I thought Beijing from the clue.) The website still has him in Bhutan, but tune in later.
Just so this time I get a t-shirt...
Monday, April 30, 2007
Day Two: Solutions
So today was Day Two, the dreaded day of the worst cramps. So yesterday I allowed myself a movie (In the Land of Women, yes, I cried) and today I scheduled a massage. Yes, a full body massage, and it was wonderful.
But it's doing nothing for my broken heart.
On a church placard board, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted." Well, I feel like everyone is miles and miles away. I ache, my eyes need sleep, and my body resists sleep.
This too shall pass--it better!!!
But it's doing nothing for my broken heart.
On a church placard board, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted." Well, I feel like everyone is miles and miles away. I ache, my eyes need sleep, and my body resists sleep.
This too shall pass--it better!!!
Saturday, April 7, 2007
Sarah Louise tries the 10 Essentials...
So Easter is almost over--I don't think I've had a more stressful Lenten season since--well, last year.
I take TriVita Sub-lingual B-12. It help n'stuff. I can't say exactly "it cured my eczema" or "I don't get depressed anymore" but I know that it helps. I was having all kinds of stomach stuff going on right around the time I started taking it and it helped.
I tend to stress. A LOT. And even though I know taking a walk in the morning is a great idea, I don't. I go straight to the computer. It's an addiction.
So, since the TriVita folks got my email addy a few months ago, I've started getting their newsletter on Saturdays. Usually I'm cataloguing and I don't have time to read (or I steal time to read, more likely, lately.) But today I'm on the reference desk without a definite project so I'm surfing, reading email, and yes, blogging.
So I surfed through the newsletter and found the TriVita 10 Essentials. (the title is a link, but here they are too):
I was late today. I have no idea how I got my alarm clock to only work on Wednesdays and so I thought it would go off today--it DIDN'T.
A girl just came in with the most sparkly red shoes ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyways, I've been pretty much a grouch the past week. Ever since my parents left, I've been playing catch up and I've been hormonal and needing more anti-depressants and....
I WANT TO ENJOY MY LIFE!
I WANT TO GET PAST THE GLOOM!
I WANT TO NOT GET COLDS EVERY MONTH!
So...breathe deep--I have a real problem with breathing.
Drink water, I can do that.
Sleep--I've got that one down. It's 4-10 that I have problems with, you know, on a CONSISTENT basis.
Anyways...maybe I'll go try to find a project to work on.
I take TriVita Sub-lingual B-12. It help n'stuff. I can't say exactly "it cured my eczema" or "I don't get depressed anymore" but I know that it helps. I was having all kinds of stomach stuff going on right around the time I started taking it and it helped.
I tend to stress. A LOT. And even though I know taking a walk in the morning is a great idea, I don't. I go straight to the computer. It's an addiction.
So, since the TriVita folks got my email addy a few months ago, I've started getting their newsletter on Saturdays. Usually I'm cataloguing and I don't have time to read (or I steal time to read, more likely, lately.) But today I'm on the reference desk without a definite project so I'm surfing, reading email, and yes, blogging.
So I surfed through the newsletter and found the TriVita 10 Essentials. (the title is a link, but here they are too):
- breathe deeply
- drink water
- sleep peacefully
- eat nutriously
- enjoy activity
- give and recieve love
- be forgiving
- practice gratitude
- develop acceptance
- develop a relationship with God
I was late today. I have no idea how I got my alarm clock to only work on Wednesdays and so I thought it would go off today--it DIDN'T.
A girl just came in with the most sparkly red shoes ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyways, I've been pretty much a grouch the past week. Ever since my parents left, I've been playing catch up and I've been hormonal and needing more anti-depressants and....
I WANT TO ENJOY MY LIFE!
I WANT TO GET PAST THE GLOOM!
I WANT TO NOT GET COLDS EVERY MONTH!
So...breathe deep--I have a real problem with breathing.
Drink water, I can do that.
Sleep--I've got that one down. It's 4-10 that I have problems with, you know, on a CONSISTENT basis.
Anyways...maybe I'll go try to find a project to work on.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Sometimes you just have to STOP!
So I'm taking a half day tomorrow. Because I felt that tickle in my throat and today is a marathon day--I had my chiropractic re-eval at 7:30 (I coasted in at 7:45). I got to work at 8:50, which is a record, for me. (I'm chronically late.)
Still dealing with Aunt Flo...
Am contemplating yet another blog (stop the madness!) that would be just on "women's health" (what a euphemism!) called "The Red Tent" (more on the concept, not Ann Diamant's book.)
But for now, I'm trying to drink lots of water, take my cold-eeze (zinc), and sneeze into my sleeve.
Oh, and prepare for Easter dinner. No clue how many are coming...
Am going to look into "online journaling." Oprah has a site, and there are a few Christian sites. This article and my therapist are goading me to look into it. I'll let ya know.
Still dealing with Aunt Flo...
Am contemplating yet another blog (stop the madness!) that would be just on "women's health" (what a euphemism!) called "The Red Tent" (more on the concept, not Ann Diamant's book.)
But for now, I'm trying to drink lots of water, take my cold-eeze (zinc), and sneeze into my sleeve.
Oh, and prepare for Easter dinner. No clue how many are coming...
Am going to look into "online journaling." Oprah has a site, and there are a few Christian sites. This article and my therapist are goading me to look into it. I'll let ya know.
Friday, March 30, 2007
You are what you drink...
So I'm still working on what this blog will look like on a day to day basis (and yes, I hope to update it daily.)
Whilst I'm working on that, here's an article by Jane Brody (of the NYT, yo!) about drinking habits. A quote I like: "...you may never outgrow your need for milk." Essentials found in milk include: "magnesium, potassium, zinc, iron, vitamin A, riboflavin, folate and protein."
Good choices today: yogurt with lunch, about 3 oz.
Whilst I'm working on that, here's an article by Jane Brody (of the NYT, yo!) about drinking habits. A quote I like: "...you may never outgrow your need for milk." Essentials found in milk include: "magnesium, potassium, zinc, iron, vitamin A, riboflavin, folate and protein."
Good choices today: yogurt with lunch, about 3 oz.
Zinc! It helps the cold symptoms!!
So I stayed home yesterday and then went to work in the evening for two hours. And now I'm getting ze shower ready so I can go to work today. Naps and zinc. They are good things.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Laughter is the best medicine
Laughing today:
The Ellen Show, esp the part with Diane Keaton and Ellen D's new undewear line--white briefs with words like "thongs are wrong."
Mr. Roger's Neighborhood--for some reason him playing a game with vegetables struck me as very funny.
The Ellen Show, esp the part with Diane Keaton and Ellen D's new undewear line--white briefs with words like "thongs are wrong."
Mr. Roger's Neighborhood--for some reason him playing a game with vegetables struck me as very funny.
Harry is back--and I don't mean that Potter boy
Hello! Welcome to my new blog. If you're a Pink Sneakers N'at reader, you may know who Harry is. He's my cold. I am sick and tired of him visiting me...every month, it seems. So this blog is an experiment for me...an exploration in getting better...day by day!
Things I'll talk about (maybe):
Things I'll talk about (maybe):
- How 70% of your immunity is in your digestive system (I got this off a Dannon commercial)
- How your apartment or house could be contributing to your health (says the girl who hasn't moved for twelve years)*
- How your emotional health affects your physical health
- How...you can keep writing in bullets forever...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
